also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
