Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
