Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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