My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
someone owes me an orgasm
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize