Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
