I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there was a trapeze. enough said
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
