Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
