Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
