What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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