my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
