if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
