She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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