she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i think my cat just said my name.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
