how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
