Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
