Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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