Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
