We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
