Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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