Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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