Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize