i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
