Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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