Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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