I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
