Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
