I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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