So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
