More tranny stories later!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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