im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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