butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
