new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
