wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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