Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
