I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize