My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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