She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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