break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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