we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
