if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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