I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
