She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
