dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
