508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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