2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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