So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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