Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize