He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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