if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
