I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
