and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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