I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
