Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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