Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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