Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
