I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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