I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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