you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This toilet bowl is my home.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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