i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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