I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
