her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
