he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize