The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
