I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize