My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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