having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
