In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Randomize
