If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
