I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
