I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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